I'm human. I'm full of flaws, full of hesitation, full of remorse. everytime I'm working on something, I wanted to do my very best. I really do. but somehow, it all ended up with such a bad outcome where I couldn't handle it no more. I could barely stand to justify myself. I've turned into a weak person in just a single blink. no one around me could afford to offer such help. they are just standing there quietly, giving me a sympathetic looks that I hate the most. yes I know they're just being kind and considerate but when you have to see those eyes everyday, you'll no longer feel grateful for it. instead, you'll sick.
that is why I decided to distance myself from people. I put a thin line between me and others. I'm afraid I would get nothing other than the pain that has been suffocated me since forever. the pain that I created myself. the pain of seeing them miserable if I fail on pulling myself together. especially to my parents. oh they would be the last people on earth I'd like to do that. only Allah swt knows how much they mean to me and how bad it is I want them to be happy. I wish, before I die– I could be the reason behind their beautiful big smile.
for those who don't know me well, let me tell you that I am really a sensitive person. I get emotional way too fast. I cry and laugh so easily. be it when I'm watching drama or in a real life. but when it comes to my relationship with friends, it's different. as an example; if they sort of hurt my feeling– yes I'll feel sad right away but amazingly, I hide it very well to the point that they don't have a single idea I'm hurting. why? because I think it's not worth it to fight with each other. I mean, they are my friends. sooner or later, by hook or by crook, I have to face them again. we will laugh again over the simplest of things, do fun stuffs together, worrying about the future whilst talking about our favourite celebrity. yes things like that, things we do with our friends– isn't all those things will sink my tears away? so why bother fighting when we clearly know we will end up laughing again? and I do that because I love them.
I gave in most of the times, yes, but that doesn't mean I'm the only one who has sacrificed. who knows, if my friend too, has encountered a battle with their feelings for the things I've said to them? in the end, we're still human. I make mistakes, my friends make mistakes. we hurt each other without even realizing and somehow, we also comfort one another. isn't that sounds like a gift already? alhamdulillah I've been blessed with such friends and I couldn't be happier than that. they simply my everything after my amazing family.
as I live, I've come to a conclusion that, we would do everything for our loved ones. we give in, we play dumb, we apologize. just to see them smile. and whenever they're sad, we too feel the same way. or maybe even more sad, if you get what I mean. so treasure your loved ones before it is too late, people. do anything for them, be with them, make time for them. don't let this worldly live blinded you and please, keep on loving people around you. they need your love as much as you need theirs.
